Already got asked if we're dating
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
They have beer where we have blood.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
