what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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