i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
