The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
