highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
