I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
