It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
