Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
