the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
