I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
