Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
