i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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