FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
