So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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