That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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