I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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