they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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