Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
