I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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