areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
