Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
