i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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