She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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