Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
