I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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