nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
