If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
