My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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