Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
