i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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