in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
