remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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