you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
