You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
