just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
