I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
