Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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