No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
