Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
