I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i out mim tonsoeep
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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