Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
