I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
