The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Damn victory sex feels great
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
