operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
