Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
