Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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