Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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