I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
