; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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