Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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