he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just had sex on a roof
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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