Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you win again, gameday.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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