I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
