So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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