It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
