So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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