He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
