oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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