You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize