I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
