she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.