My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.