she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dicks are not precious.