we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.