Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
