The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.