I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.