I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
