Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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