I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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