I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
