Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
