I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
