The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
