Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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