i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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