I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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