I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
