Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
its liver damage thursday
Randomize