You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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