Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
