I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
