so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
