i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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