We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
