Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
