Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
